Comments on: Should forgiveness be unconditional?

By: DAJ

DAJ — Thu, 23 Sep 2010 15:24:00 +0000

By staying in this relationship and maintaining the status quo, you are implying condonation. As a Christian, if you condone these acts, you are not helping him grow in the lord. Any type of abuse is not acceptable, and can be very damaging to your own spirit. I was brainwashed into thinking I was unlovable after years and years of verbal abuse. When you can’t love yourself, you can’t love anyone. You do not have to divorce to get out of that situation.
I, myself, am having great difficulty with this, but have come to understand that forgiveness is totally misunderstood. It is NOT accepting a wrong someone is doing to you with a glad heart that so many think it is. It is simply letting go of the ill will being wronged creates in us, and letting God handle it. You can’t let it go completely until you get it out of your life. As long as you stay in that situation, your “inner child” will continue to tell you “I don’t like him, he hurts me”. And it should, but the Conscious Adult must step in and separate his acts from his soul, to realize “I don’t like what he DOES and must protect myself from this”, but continue to love him as another human through Christ. You have to stop the pain to quiet the child and let the adult take over.
Unfortunately, these acts don’t free you from the bonds of marriage to remarry. If a separation wakes him up, he may renew his life in Jesus and return. Once you let go, you can begin to hope and pray for his salvation as a Christian should. If you do divorce, it would be an abomination to God to remarry this same man even if he is renewed in Jesus. If he rejects the works God brings into his life and commits adultery, then you are free to remarry after you abide by the laws of the land (divorce).

By: Owen Macareno

Owen Macareno — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 04:45:48 +0000

Telephone call CCCS and ask your counselor how this ought to be handled.

By: AJ

AJ — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 10:45:12 +0000

Matthew 18:21-23 (New International Version)

The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant
21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”
22Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.[a]

23″Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.

By: AJ

AJ — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 10:25:51 +0000

Romans 12:9-21 (New International Version)

Love
9Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
14Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.[a] Do not be conceited.

17Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”[b]says the Lord. 20On the contrary:
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”[c] 21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

By: AJ

AJ — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 10:19:24 +0000

my xwife committed adultery with a man of the holy cloth. I was persecuted by her, the catholic priest friend and my own Parish/ Church. My church betrayed me.

However my children are the real victims of this event.

There is a difference to reading scripture and reading and “believing with your entire heart” that you are hearing the words coming from our ALMIGHTY GOD who speaks through the HOLY SPIRIT directly to you.

This is what GOD has spoken to me. I yield to his words and redirect all my anger and emotion. This is my testimony which has saved me. He has turned my heart of stone to a heart of flesh. Thank you God

for this is what I believe he spoke to me many many times:

Romans 12:9-21 (New International Version)

God be with you my brother and sister

By: Heather

Heather — Tue, 11 May 2010 15:00:49 +0000

I agree, forgiving someone is a must, but that doesn’t mean that they are free and clear to live however they want. We do not want to love someone to hell. Correction is sometimes needed and sometimes we forgive someone but we still need to let them deal with the consequences of their actions so that they will not do it again.

By: Kat

Kat — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 16:27:57 +0000

I was in the same situation as you. However, spiritual abuse was involved as well. I am a born baptist but converted to coptic orthodox to marry him. The coptic orthodox church is “THE STRICTEST” religion I have ever come across, especially when it comes to their views on divorse, it is strictly forbiddon or the patron will be kicked out of the church. However, even in this church divorse is permittable under 2 circumstances only, adultery & abuse. I am pretty sure they got this strait from the bible, seeing as how they interpret the bible so literally! i am sure this website would have bible references cited under FAQ’s….. http://www.suscopts.org

By: bwiley

bwiley — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 16:06:45 +0000

I believe forgiveness is unconditional because the Bible states that in order for us to be forgiven by Jesus, we need to forgive those who have hurt us in some way. However; just because we forgive those who have hurt us in some way does not mean that we have to remain in that relationship to allow the abuse to continue. It does not mean that we have to put ourselves back in that situation to allow them to hurt us again. You must forgive in order to have peace in your heart. You must also protect yourself and your children. You should pray for the person you have forgiven that they may find salvation some day and that the Holy Spirit will work in their heart to turn from their sinful nature.

By: Rain

Rain — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 16:00:37 +0000

I am young so please forgive my many words and my lack of experience in the suffering, already mentioned that some have stood through. I have not been through the trials, joys, disappointments or even betrayals in marriage, although I have known other kinds of abuse and misuse by others (though God sees me white and righteous if I cling to Jesus’ blood in humility).

I’d like to agree with Sue B. Just to restate she said

“Godâ€™s LOVE is unconditional â€” John 3:16…”
“Godâ€™s FORGIVENESS is conditional â€” I John 1:9 â€œIf you confess your sins He is faithful … and will forgive…”
AND “Godâ€™s UNCONDITIONAL love should lead us to REPENTANCE resulting in FORGIVENESS â€” Romans 2:4 â€œOr do you show contempt for …[his] riches …not realizing that Godâ€™s kindness leads you toward repentance?â€ ”

I would like to add my opinion on what God might see as love.

We often strongly link “Love with personal happiness or satisfying the desires of ourselves/others”. But I see love as doing God’s work. Loving with purpose… for the immediate well-being and the eternal good of those we know (after all, we believe no life is truely complete until it is met with the peace between us and God)..

Please let me explain…

Love costs. And that unrecognized cost creates unrecognized love and even unresponsive love. And that usually ends up in either resentment or in someone becoming spoilt. Love without purpose is probably more blind and destructive than God ever intended.

Love costs. In the Old Testament God bought his people from slavery in Egypt.
In his laws in leviticus (especially the first chaotic 7 chapters before their actual ordered usage in 8), you can see how costly it was to love and understand love, as God loves… even when u are at fault! You would really have to go out of your way! To anyone who owns flocks or herds, they’d know each animal is darn expensive! …Imagine back then, sacrificing one regularly ! for your sins or, replacing someone’s missing cattle or damaged property, even if it wasn’t directly your fault (-Exodus 22)!!

In Australia, when someone says “I’m sorry” the response is almost always “It’s alright.” I do not see that as wise. Where’s the lesson? Where’s the recognition of the mutual pain or even of the cost we pay in forgiving? Surely, there is a better way… Truely – The greatest insult to God, himself, is NOT recognizing the greatest price he paid (in order to forgive us) and the insult is complete if we just continue to skip down the ignorant road that leads to eternal suffering & humiliation!

As christians, we know God’s price – the punishment we deserve given instead to Jesus! And if as christians, we can’t even help people understand our own immediate (and eternal) love for them…(and the cost it takes for them to love us back properly)… how could we ever explain God’s love and how they need to respond to him!!

I am young, but if this seems right in God’s eyes, please take heed. I can rave so I’ll end with a general statement that I hope will encourage you.

Love costs us dearly. All humans ARE unique and so the situations we’re in are unique AND complex from the affects of sin. In your growing confidence in God’s words, and not in the excesses of pride, love with purpose. Do what you judge to be best (immediate and eternal) for this person, or those under your care (your children), say why you are doing it and stick to your ground, knowing God alone is your rock, and your source of continual forgiveness & wisdom. Teach the cost of your forgiveness. And if you teach your cost in loving them, God may be merciful and change them to also see God’s cost and respond with love.

By: Desiree

Desiree — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 11:41:00 +0000

I cannot agree that forgiveness should not be unconditional.The great thing with unconditional forgiveness is that it sets you free – this does not mean that you should not hold the person who offended you accountable.In fact love does side with the truth and certainly a wife should make an unfaithfull husband deal with the consequences of his actions should she see that he is unrepentant.But the act of forgiveness will set her free and enable her to carry on her life with or without him in a whole and constructive way.

As with all of our Father’s commandments, forgiveness is designed for our good and will benefit the person who is obedient.But it does take an act of daily (over & over)obedience,because anger and hurt is a condition of the heart and must be crucified daily.Jesus gave us a great example of unconditional forgiveness when He asked God to forgive his executioners and mockers while He was on the cross,even though they did not acknowlwedge their sin.

Someone once told me,to not forgive is like drinking poison and hoping that the other person will die……